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Life happens while you're making plans Well, I have been on computer hiatus since it was shut off exactly twelve days ago. Since then I shadowed for the job I thought I didn't want, realized just how much I loved it and deeply wanted it, and then was shocked when they called and informed me, "Sorry, the job was given to someone with more experience" after I was basically handed said job on a silver platter. Dammit. Just how in the world are you supposed to get experience when no one will hire you because you don't have it?! (Insert long creatively drawn out string of cusswords here). So once again the job search will commence. I'll find a job, sooner or later. I'm not going back to retail or housecleaning. I've set my sights upon the job I want and I am good enough for it (determined chin lift here). Other than that, my garden grows well, after breaking up the harder soil, hoeing and hilling and watering, worrying and almost praying simultaneously. Beings as this is my first garden, I am proud of it. My corn and okra are coming right along, as are my kohl rabi, cabbage, green peppers, broccoli and some tomatoes and onions. Unfortunately my cucumbers are showing no signs of life. I don't think they will come up this year. Good grief, everything else though looks like I Mir@cle Gr0w-ed the hell out of it. *Wipes away tear* I'm so proud. For some unknown, crazy reason, I had a lovely fantasy today about meeting a nice farm boy, falling head over heels for each other, eventually getting married and living happily ever after with my hunky farmer in a big farm house with a few children we raise to be wonderful adults. Most people wouldn't see this as odd, unless they really knew me. I have always been one that said I would not marry. I was just not interested in it. But today I was filled with such a want for a happy married life with a wonderful someone it physically hurt. It was a dull ache in my gut and heart that made me wonder about priorities and love and the future. I realized I am lonely. Unfortunately men do not seem to go for women of my weight. And I don't trust enough. I just hope with everything I have that those two facts don't ruin a chance for happiness down this road. |