Keep your eyes on the prize
Written @ 1:12 a.m. on January 26, 2005
So I am back. Again. I've decided to update almost daily (okay, maybe weekly). Even if I have nothing to say. crickets chirping. So today a nice young couple came and hauled most of my furniture away. I feel about 90 years old writing that. But the freecycle thing wasn't worth it. Total pain in my ass. Maybe it was the people in the central ohio location that were such a pain. It is ohio, I should have expected that. (I have a real love/hate relationship with my state.)
Annnyway. Now my apartment is a lot brighter and it echoes when anything makes a noise. So this week is in a way good, and in a way not so good. It's good we're moving into a new place that is fantastic and not drafty. Also that has very pretty tile, cabinets, fixtures, etc. And lots of windows. But I've got to focus on the good. I have to. If I don't focus on the positive I'm going to cry.
My Mom called me up while she was at work and told me she had a talk with her doctor. She's been feeling lousy lately, gaining over 13 lbs in water and lasix isn't really helping. So she called the doctor and now has an appointment this Thursday with her endocrinologist. Her doctors think that her brain tumors are back for a third time. We're getting pretty short on options here, people. I knew they were coming back. I could tell. She was getting a fuller face, gaining weight again and having trouble walking. All the classic signs. She knew too. But every time she'd ask I'd say that she was fine. I couldn't say yeah Mom, I think your tumors are back again. You're getting sick. I was too scared, I thought maybe if I just looked the other way that everything would go back to normal. Back to the slow and steady progress she had been making since radiation surgery in 2003. But she knew too and finally we can't ignore it. The really bad thing is that there is a major chance that the tumors are on her adrenal glands over her kidneys this time. Doctors say when they form there it usually means game over. Just thinking that makes me go cold all over. A shadow over the sun. Four years ago this July my Dad went without any warning. The year after my Mom's second bout with tumors came to be. I'm thinking that fate is trying to stomp my optimism into the ground. After we recover from one incident the next happens. But I refuse to give up. I will not quit. My damn dogged persistance has to be good for something. I will not give up. And I won't let Mom either. We will weather this storm like we have every other.
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