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I'm a danger to the world; I'm taking the Ged; should I go? I wondered why I've been seeing big shiny black cars and men in sunglasses and suits everywhere I go...
They're watching me, man. Gotta pack up my bulk food items and head for my secret cabin in the woods with my big supply of guns. Oh damn it's not secret now. You all know about it too. You must all join my side now, or I might have to kill you. Jooiiinn meeeee. This section of my entry will self-destruct in five seconds. ======================================= So I am taking my Ged test September 11th. (Ha thats ironic isn't it, looking at what I just wrote. Yes, I am insane. Thank you for saying so. What? That was the little voices in my head talking again? Damn them, they do that all the fricking time!) I'm going to be stuck in a building from 7am till 4:30pm. I'm going to lose what's left of my mind. I have got all the sections down except for the math. I am terrified of math. I don't like it very much but it hates me. I used to have a flaming hatred for it, but I've grown to (gasp) respect it somewhat. I'm terrible at it. I haven't got that much time left to learn four years worth of it. I quit school when I was in the middle of my senior year, because I thought I was in love with the most vile human being on the planet. I wasn't. I found that out a little too late for my taste. I didn't go back to school because my Dad was sick and my Mom was having a nervous breakdown, so I tried to help hold down the fort. I don't know if it worked or not. I have kicked my ass for leaving school almost every day. For a long time I thought I wasn't a worthy human being because I didn't have that little piece of paper they call a diploma. I've gotten over that. I've gotten my self respect back. So now I'm going to stress over a test untill I take it, then I'm going to stress until I get the results back. If I the first time I'm going to bawl my eyes out and go into a deep depression. Then I'm going to retake it. So it'll all work out in the end. I'll have to pass it sometime, right? Right. ======================================= Well I'm putting off emailing a guy who I've been writing to for about a month now. He really, really seems to like me, he seems like a sweet caring guy. He knows how much I weigh, about my social phobia and polycystic ovary syndrome, and still sticks with me. He wants to meet me Saturday and take me to a country fair/festival (I can't tell you just how much I love those, and especially during coolish, fabulous fall weather like we're supposed to have that day). Then the week after he wants to take me down to Kings Island amusement park for a day. He even bought me a ticket already. but I'm waffling. Big time. I'm afraid of getting hurt. I'm afraid that he just "thinks" he'll be okay with my weight, and just be all "ewwwww" when he sees me, and flip out and never talk to me again. Which I like this guy quite a bit so that would hurt me so bad. I've had too many guys say mean things to me just because I'm plus sized. So I don't trust guys at all. I'm just scared. I don't know what to do. I just don't have a clue what to do at all. |
